Yep, I went to the part. Yep, I had a few to many. Yep, I'm going to feel like crap in the AM, but at least I can still punctuate. More laterz. (I did that on purpose)

Nick

Music, Teaching, & Responsibility

Last week I cashed in $40 worth of loose change into one of those coinstar machines. The machine takes 9/10 of a cent as a fee or you can choose to get a giftcard from a select number of companies. I chose to go with an iTunes gift card. I have not bought a whole album in a long time. I did buy the One Republic album Waking Up and was was impressed by the new album. But now I'm at a standstill on what music to buy next. Anyone have any suggestions? I like just about everything except R&B, rap, and country. I really like acoustic but also like screamo.
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Today was a very long day. I was 10 minutes late for class this morning and I was scheduled to present a lecture on the byzantine empire and a test review. Last night I forgot to charge my cell phone and I set it to wake up in the morning and it went dead. The main proctor for the class was not coming in today so I lucked out. But its always funny to see how many students show up to a Friday class. They have a test Monday so the class was pretty full and usually the students who don't show up for a test review do poorly on the tests. Since I made the test and proctored the test review I have to be in the office at 8 am Monday, just in case students have last minute questions. They never do...

Tomorrow I am going to a bub to watch a soccer game with a few fraternity brothers. Lately, I felt like I have neglected the chapter. I'm an alumni so I don't have any real obligations but I still like to help out. But it will be good to catch up with the older (over 21) members. Saturday the new members will also be inducted (ritual) and that mean party... I'm weighing the pros and cons of going. They had a party earlier in the year and I ran into two student from the class I was help teaching. That was a little awkward... Sometimes responsibility sucks. I might be 'older' but I'm not OLD.

Peace,

-Nick

I got a new job....sort of. I quit my last job because the hours were so screwy and with me helping with classes on campus it was not working out. But I finally got the paperwork in to qualify for a work study program. The pay is measly, but I will get paid something for assisting my adviser teach a class. I made Brandon (my brother) get a job because he spent all his extra financial aid on his truck. Normally, I would not care but what little money I was making was paying 100% of our rent. I was also getting sick of eating ramen noodles for a month (no joke).

Normally, Brandon and I would go to Chicago to see my Dad & Step Mom for Thanksgiving but this year Brandon has to work and being the good brother I am decided to stay as well. So, now my Dad & Step Mom are going to Vegas for the weekend! lol

Classes are going good for the most part. I have a philosophy class that I dread going to. It is a night class and its horribly boring. Every Monday night I want to bang my head against the desk. As an undergrad I took into to ethics and it was sooooo much more entertaining than this class. But on the plus side. the next two weeks of class are canceled because of student/professor conferences on our final paper for the class (which I already have done) because I just updated a paper that I wrote in an Education class. Some would argue that this is plagiarism, but I would counter their argument by stating that if I had to write this paper it would cause brain damage. Because I would have to slam my head against a desk.

My running group finally had to switch to the indoor track because of the cooler weather. A few people did quit because of the semester winding down and needing to finish last minute projects. I hate running on a track, it makes me feel restricted. It also reminds me of NASCAR, you keeping going around in circles but just end up in the same place. At least if you are running outside, you have a better scenery.

Well, I have stayed up way to late. I have class at 9am with the freshmen.

Peace,

-Nick

Running

Being unemployed has its advantages. I get to run a lot more with some really attractive guys. Look but don’t touch right? I have written before how much I like to run, but when I went to Chicago for the summer, I really did not have a place to run. But this year I’m helping my adviser teach one of his intro history classes a few times a week and I met a few students who run. I feel like a perv but I also get to talk to a lot of freshmen since it’s an intro class. But one of the freshmen added me on facebook and saw that I like to run and he invited me to run with his group. They run usually between 2-3 times a week and I have been running with them since mid September. Spending time with them reminds me of my freshmen year at college. I even got two of the guys in the group to pledge my fraternity on campus. With it getting colder a few of the members are dropping out. But I like running in the fall especially when you’re running and the cool mist hits your skin and it just makes you want to run faster. But I can see as winter approaches we/I will have to switch to the indoor track at the rec center and probably loosing even more people. But its been fun while it lasted.

Justin and I talk about once a week. He has been busy with his classes now that he is full time and he is doing really well. Brandon (my brother) joined the wresting team on campus so he is never at our apartment. With midterms done I’m going to just coast the next few weeks since my college does not have a fall break.
I am looking forward to my fraternities Halloween party Saturday. I need to come up with a costume still….

Peace,

-Nick
Ps. Sorry the grammar sucks…

Fall = Change

Fall always brings change. Change can be a good thing, we should not always be scared of change but embrace it as an old friend.

My change? Relationship status = single.

This will be the second time that Justin and I have broken up but I know it is really over this time. After thinking about where my life is heading and where I want to be, it had to be done. We just do not have the same life goals. I strive for something *more* in this life, to understand its deeper meaning. I want to experience everything I can while I am on this Earth. Justin is happy to where he is at, not growing, not expanding his horizons, or evolving. For some people a constant sense of stability is what they need, but that life is not for me. While I hope we can still remain friends but only time will tell.

Peace,

Nick

Born in this world as it all falls apart

Blogger Problems

So I do not know what the deal is with Blogger but it seems to be posting all my new updates as "draft(s)". I am thinking about switching to another on-line blog hosting service. I will do some research and see what I can come up with.

Peace,

Nick

Running

I spent the summer Chicago with my Dad and did not run as much as I should have but now that I am back to school I will pick up a routine schedule. I am a person that hates to run alone mostly because I like to run with someone who will push me to my limits. But I may have found a running partner. I have tried to get Brandon my brother but he only wants to lift weights. I guess after high school, he had enough of running sprints in football practice.

But I run on campus mostly because the area is more open and the wide sidewalks. Saturday, I went for a short 4 mile run. Usually on the weekend there are not too many runners out on campus for whatever reason. Probably because they are recovering from a Friday night binge, but usually I see a few runners during the week. But this Saturday I got about half way through my run and saw a group of three guys running ahead of me. At first I thought they were on the track team but as I caught up to them I did not recognize them from the previous year.

Back at School

School starts next week and I am ready for it to start. I had my birthday over the summer over the summer and I feel so old! I am now 24 and I am still in college, even if I am in a graduate program. But I think to some extent, being still in college makes me feel young. I have yet to sign up for classes and will probably have to petition into most of them because they are full.

I have decided to take next fall off and then finish up my masters degree in the spring of 2010. Next summer I am going to hike the Appalachian trail starting in June and ending in late September or early October. I am so excited about this trip. I tried to get Justin to go, but he decided not to go. Then after the hike of my life, I am spending that next fall semester in England at Oxford! I just found out a few ago I was accepted. I have not told Justin yet about Oxford, so I don't know how he will react about spending 9 months away from me. We will have a few months together after my hike, but Oxford right after that may prove to be a strain on our relationship.

I just moved back into my apt. so I need to unpack some more and make dinner for Brandon and I.

Peace,

-Nick

I forgot to mention....

I forgot to mention in my last post that I am planning next year to hike the Appalachian trail from Maine to Georgia. I plan on leaving in June & it will take me probably until November to finish. The trip will total about 2,160 miles. I chose to start in Maine so that I can see the southern states in the Fall.

I still run so the hike will not be a problem, but money will be. My goal is to raise $2,000 before I go. The cost will include food, park fees, equipment and some left over for an emergency. Honestly, I will have to bust my butt to save that much. But I am motivates and want to do this. I am trying to talk my brother into going with me to share expenses, but so far he is a no go. He is still in school and wants to finish his degree. But I know I want to do this now for some reason. If I have to go by myself I will. Honestly, I have done some research on the subject and most hikers felt very safe on the trail by themselves.

One driving force is that I want to further my photography skills. I love landscape photography and that will be the large majority of the pictures I would be taking :-D. I just hope I can keep this excitement as the year progresses.

When I told my parent one was totally for it and the other was not to not into the idea. I bet you are thinking my Dad was all for it. But in fact it was the opposite. My Mom was concerned at first but after talking her through my plans she was all for it. My Dad I guess thinks its just an adolescence fantasy. But my Mom has always been the dreamer and my father has always been the realistic parent.

Currently I have $300 in my checking and about $400 in my savings so I have a lot of saving to do. School of course will have to be put on hold for a semester, but I don't consider that a bad thing. It just see it as a well deserved break.

Let me know what you think (is anyone is reading this anymore lol).

Peace,

-Nick

Lets try this again...

Well, I tried updating this thing about a month ago, but it was a futile attempt. So, the long awaited update. Here it goes....

School:
I have regretfully, postponed transferring colleges into a better graduate program. I say "regretfully" because I know later in my academic career I will regret this decision, but right now I am content where I am at. I have cheap tuition, Justin, friends, and great professors. I love my college and the community that surrounds it. My University just appointed a new President and I am very fortunate to know them personally, so I am very excited that I am still here. Who know when I get my masters I might even try and apply here to teach.

Justin:
We are no longer an item. We tried getting back together in Feb. but it lasted about a month and we both knew it was not working out. I am one that does not believe in a mutual break up, but if I had to choose I would say Justin ended it. It is really weird because we still hang out, talk on the phone, and do a lot of normal 'relationship' things, but without the label. Before you get the idea in your head, not it is NOT a 'friendship with benefits' relationship. We just 'hang out' without the physical aspect of a sexual relationship. Justin seems to be happy with what we have, so I am happy.

Summer:
I am currently living in Chicago with my Dad for the summer. I was going to apply for another internship, but I decided to take the summer off academically. I do have a job at my the place where my Dad works in the city. It is a very un-stimulating job, but I enjoy the mundane sometimes. I basically am a courier for the company; they have two offices in the city. I run legal, financial, and other documents between them. I bet you are thinking... Why don't they just us a fax machine. Well, I never said they were smart. But actually, a lot of the documents have to be signed, dated, & sent back to another department immediately. But hey it is a paying job. My brother is still back in school living in out apartment (we live together) taking summer classes.

I know my life is boring, but hey boring is sometimes a good thing.

Peace,

-Nick

Yeah yeah I know its been a long time. I have a lot to update everyone with, but right now…

Do you have a favorite song that you can just listen over and over to? Right now mine is “Andy You’re a Star” by the Killers. I really like the lyrics. I’m not 100% sure what they mean but I like to think they are about two guys in a secret relationship.

Check out the song on YouTube and let me know what you think.

Also, my blog reading list has really shortened. Let me know if you Blog or want me add you to my Blog list.

Peace,

Nick

Second try

Justin and I giving a relationship a second try.

Holiday

The holiday season is always a great time to remind yourself the importance of people in your life and the importance of relationships. The past few months my younger brother and I have gotten closer, but I guess living together will do that. He knows I am gay, but he teases me saying I must be bi because I hang out with the 'hot babes' in the sororities. I guess that what I get for being in fraternity. I have helped him getting accustomed to developing reading and studying habits and he has reminded me that life is supposed to be about not just work but also having fun.

My brother and I drove six hours to see out Dad and step-mom for Christmas and we had a good time. I hate being in a car for more than an hour because I get antsy. Some have said that its my ADD, but I think its because I am afraid of being stuck in a place where I am not in control. But we had a memorable trip getting to Chicago. My car battery decided to die after we stooped to get gas the first time, but luckily there was a Walmart across the street, sixty-five dollars later we were on out way. The second mechanical and luckily our last problem happened when we hit the scrubbers of Chicago area. My heater decided to crap out on me. We started smelling this burning smell coming from the vents. I checked the temp gauge and it was fine, but the smell was unbearable and had to turn it off. Luckily we were only about 30min away from our Dad's apartment in the city. We made it in once piece luckily, I however had a headache because I made the mistake of allowing my brother control of the music selection. The music varied between country, rap, all the way to techno. Next road trip, I'm bringing my iPod and it will have a playlist that I created.

For Christmas my brother and I got some good stuff for our apartment. He got a PS3 and three games for it, along with several blueray movies. I got a refurbished 337" HDTV with a refurbished Tivo. Both of us got a 100$ gift certificate to WalMat to buy food with. We are really fortunate that our family is not effected by the economic downturn. My Dad works in sales, but is in an area of sales that is still expanding, farm equipment (go figure). My brother and I pooled our money together and bought my Step-Mom a day at the spa and our Dad a set of gulf clubs. I picked out the spa and Brandon (my brother) picked out the gulf clubs. Who knew how expensive a good set of gulf clubs could be.

I have to be back to my job the 3rd or January so I am spending as much time in downtown Chicago as possible. The more I visit the city, the more I fall in love with it. After earning my Masters degree I might look into moving to the Chicago area. My brother however I think will cling to his inner farm boy. I guess those summers that we spent in the barn bailing hay grew on him. I will always have a special place in my heart for the country, but the 'city life' is for me. I love experiencing different food and cultures. Plus, you really cant get any decent sushi in the country.

I hope everyone is reading this had a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Peace,
Nick

Survey

I borrowed this from another blog, you should check it out.
http://thestateofthenationuk.blogspot.com

Name: Nick
Country: United States, Midwest
Age: 23
How old were you when you first realized you were gay? In high school, but I did not accept the fact I was gay until college.

Do you have more gay friends or straight friends? Straight. I only have one gay friend and two bisexual friends.
Biggest turn on? Guys with long shaggy hair.
Biggest turn off? People who are closed minded.
Ever been harassed due to your orientation? Yes.
Have you ever been surprised at the reaction of people who know you are gay? Yes. I hate that some people knew that I was gay before I told them, but the others who did not know were surprised and it took them a little longer to get used to the idea that their good friend was gay.
What is the worst gay stereotype? That all gays are flamboyant and use beauty products, even straight men use beauty products.

Are you a stereotype? At times I find myself saying in my head, wow that wounded so gay. But overall, I don’t think so. But in order to prove to myself that I was not a stereotype, I am learning how to box.
Ever been to a pride rally? No. But I support those who do as long as its not too ‘flashy’.
Do you go to gay bars? I have been to a few. Not really my scene, but it’s nice to be around people who are like minded.
How old were you when you first told someone you were gay? I was 20 and the guy who I told was ok with it, but due to unrelated circumstances, we don’t really talk anymore.
Did you plan it? If so, how? Yes.
What made you choose that person to tell? That person was religious but also open minded, he was in a lot of ways like myself excluding being gay.
How did you feel? Not any different really.
Have you ever been snubbed by someone after coming out to them? I told a friend of mine in confidence who in turn told someone else. So if that is snub yes.
Have you come out to your family? No. My parents are divorced and I might tell my mom but never my Dad. Its not that I think he would disown me, I just feel like it would be a disappointment. I told my younger brother right before he moved in with me at college, he said he already knew.
Why did you come out at that point? We all have secrets, but when the secret boils inside you, eventually you will either need to turn down the heat or you will boil over. I decided to turn down the heat.
Are you out at work? Yes. I am out at one of my two jobs.
If not, why not? The job that I am not out at is retail and I really don’t consider any of my co-workers trustworthy yet. It takes a lot to earn my trust.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? Yes. See above.
What does being out mean to you? Being honest with people about who I am.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? Don’t do it too soon and don’t do it too late. It’s never too late, but if you wait too long a lot of opportunities to meet people might pass you by.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? I would have like to come out my Freshmen year of college. I think I would have been happier with myself in the long run.